Our Phili-Pam

This is the worst possible time to lose someone so close. You can't go back to any kind of a routine and you can't go out and find a new one. 'Freedom Day' on Monday isn't really anything of the sort. My method was to find something new to take up and half listening to lots of TV, often just for the noise of someone in the house. There were almost too many choices and at the same time nothing I really wanted to do. I substituted quantity for quality for a while. I have to say that online documentaries have renewed my interest in the genre. The BBC had got preachy and repetitive. There wasn't enough detail to hold my interest and too few subjects to fill the hours. My head talked too much in the silences and most of it wasn't good. When I first moved to Coventry I spent a lot of time on evening classes - Russian, art, garden design, creative writing and many more. Some were more interesting than others but all of them had some value. A few spawned more permanent entertainments and friends, while some rekindled my enjoyment of past pursuits. I tried pottery and came home filthy and happy even though I had zero aptitude. I tried metal work and drew blood on numerous occasions but kept it quiet because they'd have thrown me out as a liability. I wrote a book and the plots for many more. I tried on many of those metaphorical panto costumes before I found ones that felt right. I think I settled on the horse's behind.

Hi Helen, Thank you so much for your time on this. Drama has had such an influence on me, escapism I'm sure. Most of my time, I've hidden behind being a character in everyday life. I want to stop doing that & just be me. A conductor of an amateur orchestra & choir once criticised me, saying that I couldn't play two verses of a hymn the same. A guest professional singer in the choir answered on my behalf, that Picasso couldn't paint the same picture twice. The conductor apologised to me in front of everyone. He was right though. That's my nature. The thing that I miss most from Pam no longer being here, is the interactive conversations on any subject under the sun, or moon for that matter, that we shared. ps. The reason for me sharing the conductor incident is this. The conductor had already criticised a choir member, but it was the conductor's timing that was out of step, so he was using anyone else as a scapegoat.

Hi Philip, no thanks needed as I very much understand and agree. There is nobody as close as those we've grown with. Often we agree and on those we don't we at least understand the other's motives and know that our thoughts don't always match our behaviour. I might threaten the bunnies in the garden with the chop but I'd never do it. I wouldn't turn down a rabbit pie either. The whole nation is trying new boundaries for what is acceptable and what's not. Some subjects might be safe but you never know until someone objects. Close family are hopefully our safe space. It's the rocky nature of discussion that has made it a necessity to limit it here on Rob's site. If I want to discuss something different, I visit other venues but none are so gentile. I've never met up with anyone from those sites, even though I've known them longer. I often wear a mask. Just posting as a man rather than a women or or with another ethnicity or religion will change how people judge what you write. Sometimes the mask is liberating, sometimes it's depressing. On the net you can usually walk away but in real life taking off the mask can be more risky. The other person might be a bunny hugging, vegetarian, axe murderer.

I was Miss Marple, once. It was filmed around Baddesley & Grendon about twenty five years ago. That was a new venture using big screen technology, so a drama could have outside scenes.

Hi all, For most of us, life is old hat as we get older, yet so much is completely new, at my age, born in 1947. I'm learning all over again to drive a pre-selector vehicle, only I'm the vehicle. The first month on my own, businesses kept me so busy, I hardly had time to think about breakfast. Think? Serial in a bowl & add milk. Porridge in a pot! Life for me, strange as it is, is kind of settling into a Covid boundary time routine. I'm seeing a bit more clearly what needs doing around our home, kicked off as a waste skip arrives on Thursday (NOT FOR PAM'S TEDDIES). I served an apprenticeship having groceries delivered, what with Pam poorly but also the pandemic, so I kind of got used to working out what we needed for a week's supply. I got things wrong sometimes, so we finished up with a pantry filled with twenty tins of tomato soup, but no bread to dip in it. An accountant can only work by thinking ahead, so I'm now enjoying armchair shopping. Yes, enjoying. I keep seeing the tin men in the advert for Cadbury Smash, when I see folks unloading car boot loads of groceries, when mine simply arrives at my door. My orders now include extra items, like a Pyrex jug, or plain yoghurt as I try my hand at Asian mint sauce dips. I enjoyed a big thrill last evening. An episode of "Open all Hours" where Granville plucks up courage to ring a favourite lady friend. He rubs his hands with excitement after she answers his phone call. Well, I made phone contact with a very special lady to me, last evening. My breaky this morning of egg & cheese on toast has never tasted so good. I've a visitor, so will break for coffee. Have a good day all.

More jottings from Grogley Maltings. Does the tail wag the dog? My delight in amateur drama begs that question to me. Has drama planted itself on to me, or am I just that way inclined? Even me writing these jottings, I'm in a Hinge & Bracket mentality (NOT DRESSED). I'm the right age for their comedy, but I feel so upbeat this morning, that I could be singing the "Hills are Alive" adding with midges for our friend in Aberdeen. I'm sorry that you on our forum have become the buffer of my jottings, puss has gone out bored, but I will confine it to this thread. Maybe the the thread title should have a severe health warning. Good day all.

Performing on stage is an inner drive, it would terrify me. I enjoy painting set and producing the publicity material but that's as far as it goes. I'm really quite chuffed with my poster for Under Milk Wood for the next production but who knows when it will be needed.

Hi all I suppose most hobbies are some form of escapism. I get lost in our railway room when I'm enjoying a cuppa inside Pam's tea rooms, but when someone comes to our door, I don't greet them with a train whistle & pretend that I'm Henry the green engine. In amateur drama, I did become the character that I was playing. Even if I had no acting part, but was providing the musical accompaniment, I was often a fictitious character sat at a keyboard. I want to become myself, as myself certainly during this period of major adjustment to my life. Life without Pam, but with no pretence.

Saw this today, and, for some unknown reason, immediately thought of Philip

I was taken to see the lighthouse during a trainspotting trip to Folkestone. I didn't know that it was still there.

Hi all, I've been a bit melancholy today. The loss of my friend Carol, has hit harder, partly because I haven't got Pam to share with. That makes the tenderness being shared in conversations on our forum, so sweet. Sweeter than honey. Brill!

I really can recommend comedy for melancholy. 'I'm sorry I haven't a Clue' has a new series out. The film 'Yesterday' was a gentle comedy romance. Iplayer has a lot of decent box sets like 'Death in Paradise' or 'Blackadder' (series 1 was rubbish but the others are good). I know you want to be you without a mask but like a wound, sometime you need something soft to wrap around your hurt and wait for the sting to ease.

Thank you Helen, I feel brighter today. I like your social bandage analogy, the kind folk on our forum spring to mind. Brill.

In fact so much brighter that I have cleaned my toaster this morning. Not just the crumb trays, a complete wash & clean. Just enjoyed tea & toast to test.

Hi all, Eight weeks ago, Pam left her home for the last time, a home that she loved & worked for. She left in an ambulance.