Our Phili-Pam

It's so easy to take things for granted. Living on my own is a totally new scenario. It's not bad, at least whilst I'm healthy. How do our members cope, some of whom live on their own by choice or circumstances? My friend John has always lived on his own post parents, as has my sister-in-law. For years, I did consider the scenario of single living, spending much time making sure that my Pam was well provided for as far as possible if left alone, never imagining that I would survive Pam.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon. I think that loneliness is different for each person. Most of the time I'm not lonely at all. Too many fun things to think about and do. It's hard not having someone to share the fun stuff and boring jobs but nice not having to worry about annoying someone else by being up at 4 in the morning or having the temperature at what I want based on what I'm doing or wanting cauli and gravy for breakfast or doing metal work in front of the living room tv. Sometimes the thing I miss most is just being able to share something interesting or funny with people who think just like me. I have to wait to share things with friends because they'd say "have you any idea what time it is!" and I have to filter what I talk about based on their interests or political hue.

The logo picture was taken by a former school chum, Alan Heppel, at 12.25pm, on Saturday 7th September 1968, just prior to us setting off for lunch at the pub, not long built at the end of Rotherham Rd. What's the name of the pub, it's the thingamee, the... Having played in a band there, we knew the quality of the management, the catering & so on. Whatever invite the band had to play there, it was always a good time for everyone.

Hi all, Some days, if I can't do this, then I have lost the plot.

It's even more fun to laugh with an adult over something that makes no sense. Eg when I was a teenager we were all waiting in the car while my Dad was visiting a shop and he was ages. All the while there was loud thumping every time we tried to talk. Finally I objected "did we have to come to Rawtenstall on Knocking Day?" Thereafter whenever we hear persistent knocking one of us will note "it must be Knocking Day in..."

Hi, I've just received an appointment for Pam's next eye test. I've given them a forwarding address. Heaven, C/O her Saviour. Am not sure if there's a mail service that goes there! I just talk it.

Some of the hardest things to deal with are the most trivial When my Aunt died, one of the catalogue companies refused to stop sending to her, without a copy of her death certificate. I counter offered to send heavy objects to them attached to the freepost envelopes that had accumulated. Amazingly they then found the ability to stop without seeing the paperwork.

Philip, for the few years my parents ran the Broomfield Tavern, there was a small Snug room, entrance at the side, and 'Annie in the Snug' was a frequent visitor. Also I believe they used to go into or maybe it was used as the outdoor as well. I lived there until I was married in 1961 so a lot of changes have happened since then. By the way, I hope you are looking after that lovely garden of yours still. Post copied from topic Friendly Chat on 13th Jul 2021 9:55 am

Pics fresh this morning Dreamtime. Pam's outdoor snug. Inside her snug. Pam was too weak to navigate the undulations of our gardens, so we had this installed for her to be outside in nice weather chatting with friends, just like you. Our lovely gardener team, Michael & Lynn installed this for us at the drop of a hat. A view from the front door, a bit of sunshine too. Pam was never selfish. I only had to get a hint of a need or the like, for it to be done. That so helps me now in my after-Pam life.

Thank you for sharing your garden with us, Philip. A garden is forever if it's full of memories. So I hope you remember all yours. You are so lucky.

Hi Dreamtime, I was working in my upstairs office, the "bunker", when I saw Pam walking in her rear garden. It is very long for a UK city garden. If I was working at the veg end, that's the other side of our wood, she would give me a packed lunch so as to save me having to walk all the way home for my grub. Even worse at night if I missed the last tram.

Lovely photos, Philip. Your little driveway arbour was inspired. Did Pam send out the night watch if you were home late?

It was wasted space Helen, accommodating a car that I no longer have. We still have space on the drive for a motor, so no probs.

Hi all, A skip arrives soon, on our drive, most of what I'm clearing is stuff that we brought back from Cornwall when my Pam was so kind, so as to home my dad with us, hence our ground floor extension. Its not so much a new beginning, it's a complete change of circumstances. I've never lived on my own ever before. We had not long had our new kitchen fitted, before Pam became ill, so there was disruption that hadn't properly settled back from that. I'm certainly not throwing my memories of Pam out. It would need more than a skip to house all of her teddy bears, leave alone anything else. Inheritance is quite quirky. If Pam was alive now, & I opened a parcel addressed to her, outside of her specified permission, I'm committing a criminal offence by doing so. As it is now, I can represent Pam, being the owner of her title. No, I cannot use her bus pass or passport. They have been cancelled anyway. Anything that we had that was a joint scenario, the title deeds of our home for example, can stay the same. It's only the title, not the ownership. So much of this is new to me. Business & finance ok, but inheritance has certainly seen my L plate badge on. I definitely want to try & keep house & home together. I may need to buy some skeleton services in to keep a three bedroom home in order. I have images of skeletons walking around with paint brushes, now. Living alone? I don't know. I'm not one for rushing into anything. I like Coventry too much, my friends at close call so moving away is no option. A while ago, a friend of mine who became a widow, let her home with a letting agent & moved into a permanent hotel residence in Coventry. I would be like the Major, greeting Basil with a mouse coming out of the biscuit tin if I did that. Besides, I could have a housekeeper for less than that would cost. Oh, I can see the advert now:- Housekeeper required. Must be insured against being bored to death. Only recreation is an hour's shunt in the goods yard. That's all I'm about capable of, which is me being truthful. Well, that's about all of the jottings from Grogley Maltings. I'm off to bed once puss has come in. Night, night.

A lovely photo of Pam, Philip. From what you say I think you are coping tremendously well. I believe Pam is really your Guardian Angel.