Our Phili-Pam

Hi Philip. Not been around much these last few weeks, logged on this morning and I was so sorry to read your sad news. Take great care. Regards Mick

Hi all, Hi Helen, It is such a complex scenario at present. It's not just a "High" versus a "Low". It's umpteen of each undertowing on each other. Next Wednesday & Thursday might be days for a brolly, without a metal spike on top. I am so enjoying my duty break, but I'm still keeping my eye on the charts out of intrigue, as it is such a learning curve. I'm looking forward to resuming duty, but am so grateful for the break for the time being. Some folk manage a sad loss, by ploughing on, keeping busy as though nothing had happened. Whilst I have enjoyed drama, I cannot pretend that nothing has happened, that has turned my world upside down, but I'm increasingly at total peace about my loss & I am very well provided. Other members of our family & friends, may not be so, that's my real concern & where my thought time is focused on. Carry on HCF. Love, Philip

Good Evening Philip, All credit to you, you are being strong for yourself and for your family at this special time. As always thinking of others too.

Hi Dreamtime, Hi all, I'm as weak as dishwater, really Dreamtime, but totally sustained. I'm pragmatic with most things in life, accepting what is fact or inevitable. Most couples unless a tragedy strikes them both, at some point become single. Certainly toward the end, when both Pam & I were aware of the likely scenario, we made sure that in our hearts we were right with each other, with no animosity towards anyone, no matter what. Our family scenario is no different to anyone else's, including the Royal Family. Family meeting evening today, then finalizing funeral arrangements. Keep safe all.

Beautifully put Philip, your words stopped me in my tracks. Bless you for your sharing that.

Thank you so much for that. I'm in awe! God bless.

Hi all, THE HOME OFFICE (ground floor department) Without a hint of false patronage, I'm so grateful for my current break from forum duty. Thank you. The funeral in nine days time, finalising details, trying to please everyone. The business notifications complete, responses on-going, but a big issue is decisions on future business affairs, which requires a lot of thinking time. Please, any of you in this situation, don't rush in the heat of the moment deciding on disposable estate stuff. Lay it all out, all there, then think it through. Also, I'm reminded that things might not be as they are now in a years time, five years time or however long. Only a very small proportion of "wills" ever get manifest. Murders get committed for less, a quote from Agatha Christie.

Philip, I only wish that I would have the courage and fortitude that you have shown during the last few years. The way that you cared for your wife through her illness without question and kept such a positive attitude is to be admired. Thank you for proving that the true human spirit is still with us.

Thank you so much, Dave, My "courage", or Pam's & my courage was & is all in our faith. Without that, I would be a dripping tap at my wit's end. Oh, when I sat with her, day after night, her tummy not able to cope with the most basic soft food, but if needed, I would be doing it now, as she would have with me, as she did do for most of fifty three years. I've entered my new role as the Pamela care home, or "Grogley Maltings", housekeeper, which I will do with every ounce of my being, with such delight. Again, thank you all so much. ps. It's undertaker Hacketts, & two of her banks visit to finish off day to day, that's all going well & all to plan.

Hi all, The done pile on the left, the pending to do file on the right. That's looking very good.

Well done Philip. You will be in my thoughts next week.

Phillip, having lost my partner of 30 years 18 months ago, you have my admiration. I didn't stand up as well as you. But take time to grieve, take time for yourself but most of all, if you feel that you need support, reach out. Take care.

Hi & thank you both. I'm really very well, too well having put two pounds of weight on, necessitating Ryvita, instead of bread on my grocery order. I don't want my weight climbing back up. Loss of a partner no matter the years is for so many an empty hole in their lives. I was married fifty three years, plus I knew Pam four years prior to marriage. Keep safe Philip.

Your comments are so complete Philip, I find it hard to add anything except - hugs.

Hi all & thank you Helen, I've never lived on my own, except for contractual commitments. Pam took over from where my mum & dad left off. I keep telling myself that all will be ok when life starts being normal. Normal, what's that? I'm very fortunate that I could go & live anywhere, without necessarily selling up. So, I move away, from friends & neighbours & Coventry, that's given me such a comfortable & enjoyable living, where Pam's oncology team, fronted by Dr. V Sangha, her Consultant Clinical Oncologist, who by her skill, passion & compassion, fought with every ounce of her being, just as though Pam was her only patient & gave Pam nearly an extra three years of life beyond her initial diagnosed limit. The trouble is, we're not very good at future telling. Only around ten percent of wills, ever get fully manifested, as proof of the pudding. Circumstances change. My life bottle-necked, by the demands of caring for Pam recently, but for most of my life, Pam did most of it. My daughter-in-law, is right now pulling most of the arrangements together, as well as so much more. What a gift from Heaven, she is! I called her my business manager, to which she gave me such a complement. Pam's business is mostly stitched up nicely, the funeral arrangements all but complete. I was Pam's business manager, but she was the boss. She has left me so well. When sat in the undertakers lounge earlier this week, the Secretary came & sat at her desk, but before she could get a word out & to the embarrassment of my daughter in law, I said that I had come in response to their advert for a fully qualified organist, accountant & quantity surveyor. I haven't changed. No, I'm not going back to drama, or at least to any amateur society. I hope to keep our railway going, try improve my weather forecasting interests as well as being totally committed to our forum here. I do miss Pam. I can't bake, but my sister in law enjoyed her lunch today, of Jersey spuds, fresh carrots, fresh broccoli & peas, served around a tuna -mayo mix. The veg, steamed in a low pressure tower, but honestly it was fab. Even a candle lit, almost needed with such dim lighting from outside today. Lot's of catchup work inside our home needed, nothing done for three years or more, but no hurry. Whilst looking after Pam, I became every character in my mind. I could be nurse Grizelda, or meal steward, Bubble-drip. Ringing the bell on her trolley, as I served her lunch in bedsit ward 1, ground floor. That kind of acting fantasy doesn't appeal to me now. I expect that I will continuing to enjoy living in our culdesac, as I have for fifty three years. So from the jottings of Grogley Maltings, Good night. ps. This has given such good service. It was Pam's in home waking frame too. It was given to us. What a pip! I had my bite on it an hour ago, so it's use hasn't gone away.