King Henry VIII Grammar School

Then there was RD Wylie, known as Snoz. Taught me chemistry for a year but always spent half the lesson in the prep room having a fag. He also ran the school stamp club, selling dodgy stamps to kids who knew no better.. There are a couple of names on that list that I hadn't given a thought to for many decades. JP Bedford taught me General Science in the second form. He was a young chap, tall with dark hair, and always seemed a reasonable chap. I can't recall him ever hitting anyone. Perhaps unsurprisingly, he didn't stay at the school long. Another long-lost name was Sarky Hale, who I can vaguely picture but was never taught by him and I'm not even sure what he taught. I also have a recollection of CE Bellamy being a teacher in the junior school who did some classes in the seniors. Anyone remember him?

Hello Bumblyari, Thanks for supplying teacher details from The Coventrian Magazine, edition number 213. That was a real page turner of a journal, wasn't it? I'd say more gripping than an Alastair MacLean novel. (Although truth be told, I only used to skim through it in order to find the joke cartoon strips. 'Piggy and The Beak' was my favourite). Well, even The Coventrian has published Foghorn Tomlinson's name as Bert Tomkins. That being the case, I think we'd better call it a draw.

Hi MisterD-Di, I had the pleasure of being taught by Snoz Wylie for two or three years. He helped me achieve a Grade 8 at Chemistry 'O' Level, which was quite an accomplishment considering that I thought the Periodic Table was an occasional, fold-away item used for eating TV dinners off. I also recall that he took cigarette breaks mid-lesson.. I was hoping that, one day, he might invite fellow smokers to join him, but it was not to be. Another fascinating fact about Snoz was that he collected entrance fees on Saturday night at Queens Road Baptist Church Youth Club. (Yes, what a wonderful social life I had going on, back in the day). This was a bit of a shock for me when I first went along to the place I think we both pretended we didn't know each other, given that we were wearing our 'civvies'.. Now why would he give up part of his Saturday night to perform such an utterly menial task? And, believe it or not, I think he also doubled up as the bouncer! I assumed he was a member of that Church and had drawn the short straw when they were dividing up the volunteer work. I actually wanted to say to him "What are you doing here? You hate young people." but I could never pluck up the courage. Not with him being the bouncer.

Ah but he didn't always go out - I recall him sticking his head in the fume cupboard in the corner and using that as a personal smoke room, and on one occasion even making it part of the lesson ! "Colloidal suspension. A good example of a colloidal suspension is smoke in air. Here I'll show you."

Hello Disorganised, Thanks for the Snoz anecdote. It is a pity that I didn't know about this when Jeff Vent nabbed me smoking in the toilets. I could have said to him "No, Sir, this is not what it looks like. I'm doing a Chemistry practical on colloidal suspension. Here - I'll show you." So, instead of getting a Saturday morning DT, I might have got a B+!

Okay, it seems that no one else can remember The Coventrian running the 'Piggy and The Beak' comic strip. I don't think it was subsequently syndicated but it went something like this: The Headmaster enters Piggy's office, pointedly coughing and wafting away plumes of smoke as he does so. A disgruntled Piggy looks up from his work. The Beak: "Morning, Deputy. I'm currently planning tomorrow's address to the boys and seem a bit devoid of ideas. What is your favourite Bible story?" Piggy: "Cain and Abel, Headmaster." The Beak: "Or, in your case, Cane and DISable, eh, Deputy?" Piggy (feigning amusement): "Oh, very droll, Headmaster." The Beak: "Yes, I found my use of wit very handy when I landed the Headmaster's position. So - Cain and Abel. I shall build my address around the wicked Cain's question to Our Lord - 'Am I my brother's keeper?' It is something the boys would do well to reflect upon." Piggy (covertly scowling): Perhaps it is something we would ALL do well to reflect upon." The Beak (missing the barbed comment): "Well, musn't detain you, Deputy. Things to do and all that." Piggy's thought bubble as the Headmaster departs: "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of murder, murder, murder---." The End. This was followed by a glimpse of the following episode, such as: "Next time in Piggy and The Beak, Lukesky Walker and RU Shore have to deal with yet another outbreak of narcolepsy during Latin lessons in 'Return of The Dead Eyes.'" Ah, memories, memories.

Now I'm suffering from insomnia through worrying about my penultimate line, given that 'narcolepsy' is a condition that should not be taken lightly. So I apologise for my unthoughtful misuse of the term. Let me try again. "This was succeeded by a glimpse of the next episode, such as: "Next time in Piggy and The Beak, Lukesky Walker and RU Shore have to deal with yet another outbreak of catnapping during Latin lessons in 'Return of The Red Eye'". Ah, memories, memories.

I remember one regular school rag that featured Butch Cazalett and the Sundance Pig. Anyone else remember it? (Cazalett taught history and the Pig was our beloved Deputy Head. From memory they travelled to and from school in Shore's Rover))

Seem to remember in my day "Piggy" Shore was known as "The Higg" (the "`igg "to the more ethnic students?)

Yes, I do remember it. I know who was behind it, too. He was a wonderful caricature artist who delighted in rebelling against the school authorities. His Graffiti across the school drove them mad, especially Piggy who got more and more angry in assemblies. I can report that they never got him! Cazalet taught me history in room 104 for a year or so about 1970. He was ok really, and his most striking feature was his height, about 6'7".

Cazalet taught me history before Foghorn. Yes he was a tall guy, but what I remember were his suits. He was always well dressed whereas many of the staff were rather scruffy.

I just couldn't resist thinking up another episode of 'Piggy and The Beak'. This one is entitled "In which Droob tries to get Piggy and The Beak to take up the new craze of jogging". The Beak enters Piggy's office wearing only his white string vest, knee length underpants, black socks held up by suspenders and shoes. Piggy: "What has happened, Headmaster? Did a fire break out at Moss Bros during your suit fitting?" The Beak: "No, Deputy, I'm dressed for the occasion. Droob has suggested that we start Jogging." Piggy: "Start Flogging? Isn't that a bit excessive - even by our standards?" The Beak: "No, Deputy. He has said that we should run." Piggy: "Why? Did the Wharton boy's parents finally go to the police? Emergency suitcase all packed and ready, Headmaster. Where to? South America - like that Ronnie Biggs fellow?" The Beak: "No, Deputy. He says that we should do it - if we value our health." Piggy: "Is that jumped-up Corporal threatening us? By crikey, I will -" The Beak: "No, Deputy. He says we need to get fit." Piggy: "What? I am fit. I've cut the smokes down to 80 a day and not a drop of whiskey past my lips before 7.30 in the morning." The Beak: "No, Deputy. As in - "very fit'. Like him." Piggy: "Headmaster. The day I take any notice of Droob's blathering will be the day I drop down dead." The Beak: "Now you're getting it." The End Next time: Piggy and The Beak audition for "Opportunity Knocks', performing the Hollies' song "He Ain't Heavy ….He's My Brother". Okay. Time for me to return to 2015.

Didn't those rags also feature a character called "slimy Jeff"? I must admit that whilst knowing who it referred to, I had no idea what it was all about: but then again, he didn't ever teach me.

He never taught me either. I believe that 'Slimy Jeff' was a creation of the same artist, who also dubbed him 'Sneakysoles' after the crepe soled shoes he wore and his habit of creeping up and appearing out of nowhere. I do remember Cazalet and his sharp suits. He favoured light grey as I recall. He was certainly smarter than many of the staff who seemed happy to turn up looking like tramps whilst expecting boys to make an effort. Particular ones I remember were Froggy Irwin, whose wardrobe seemed to extend to just two ancient jackets. One was a grubby check affair with leather arm patches and the other a brown corduroy job that looked like he slept under a hedge in it. Moggy Owen used to wear patched trousers. Moaner Liddiard only ever had one suit, a threadbare grey one covered in chalk. Fair to say that sartorial elegance was not a high priority among the teaching staff.

Oops - one last thing, for purposes of clarity. The boy Wharton is an entirely fictional character and no intention was meant to refer to the entirely fictional character Harry Wharton, who attended the entirely fictional Greyfriars School, as penned by the entirely fictional Frank Richards, whose entirely real name was Charles Hamilton. In addition, the vignettes of 'Piggy and The Beak' are entirely fictional for purposes, hopefully, of gentle amusement, and were products of an imagination that had no opportunity to find an appropriate outlet in the entirely real King Henry VIII school. My thanks go to The Historic Coventry Forum and its members in allowing me this chance for self-expression.